


call it what you want

by WattStalf



Series: these shitty ocs of mine [7]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: Blow Jobs, F/M, Hand Jobs, Masturbation, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, guilty sex, my oc is stupid and a little looney, oh my god i am such garbage, please dont read my garbage, stay away, tags added as they become relevant, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-05-31 18:21:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6481741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being thrust into leadership, Dwight is approached by one of Negan's ex-wives, and though it is not the one he would have wanted, he runs with it.<br/>Cindy just wants to find where she can be the most useful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, this. Apparently I'm thirsty for Dwight? I mean, I always knew I was, but recently this idea has been bugging me, and with some encouragement from some bad influences, I unproudly present to you; a bad fic with an equally bad OC.  
> Something I gotta say about Cindy, my leading lady here: her perception of herself and how she fits into the world come entirely from how shitty the world became and how traumatic that was, and nothing else. I don't want anyone thinking that she thinks she has to do what she does because of Negan, because I know people misinterpret him as being abusive too often and that ain't the case. She was just in a bad place on her own, and thought being a wife was so good that it became her idea of how life should be.  
> Eileen will probably be mentioned a lot more throughout, and she's an OC I'd love to write about someday, but that day is not today.  
> anyway, if you read this, I'm sorry.

Cindy had loved being one of Negan's wives because everything made perfect sense to her that way. After everything had become so very uncertain, she had been offered a home where she could be certain of her place and certain of her purpose. It was not long before she felt as if this life was all she knew and all that there was for her, and she did not mind that feeling.

She loved Negan because he made things make sense for her, and even if she would not have fallen for him in her old life, this was not her old life, and she was content to sit quietly and wait until he had some use for her. It was easy to adjust to that life, and when that life was sudden;y taken from her, she did not know what to do with herself.

She watched the other girls, hoping for some clue about what to do with her life now, but Amber had already run off with Mark and Nina went back to business as usual, as if she had never been a part of the better life. Sherry was said to have found a new lover and Eileen had vanished one night, and nobody has seen her since. She had told Cindy that she was going after Negan, but Cindy did not want to go with her.

He had given her a better life and a life that made sense, but that was over for him. Wherever he was, he couldn't give her that anymore, and running off in the night would only get her killed, which is what she was sure happened to Eileen. She had never loved Negan like Eileen had; while she had been happy to sit and wait for him to need her, Eileen was always trying to make herself useful, always yipping at his heels and desperate for his attention. She was productive in her jealousy, which was likely the only reason he even put up with it.

Cindy didn't want Negan back unless he was the same man who could offer her the same life as before. She needed somebody like him, but she did not need him as he was now, and she wasn't sure how to serve her purpose anymore.

Until, one day, she realized just how obvious it was. Negan was gone, but they were not without a leader and that was where she could find her place. She decided that she needed to see what purpose Dwight might have for her.

~X~

Dwight had been visited by his fair share of people since settling back in, since the conflict had ended and peace had been reached. No one was sure what sort of leader he would be and everyone had their reasons for wanting to get their own look. Most did not want another Negan but some did, and others did not care as long as he got them what they wanted, and others still did not understand why it was Dwight in charge and not someone else.

But when he got a visit from a young woman who looked like she had not seen a lot fights or a lot of the outside world lately, he wondered what she could possibly want with him. It took him a few moments to place her as one of Negan's old wives, but she had always behaved herself and so he could not remember her name.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“My name is Cindy,' she replied, as if she knew he couldn't remember. There was a look in her eyes that he could not quite place, an unsettling mix of calmness and confusion and desperation. “I was wondering if there was anything I could do for you.”

“Uh, well, no,” he replied. “Nothing I can think of, anyway. What makes you ask?”

“Well, I was just hoping I could show you how useful I can be, so that you can take that into consideration when you start thinking about picking girls,' she said, and she said this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“I...excuse me?” He knew what she meant, but he couldn't believe that she actually coming to him with such a proposition, that she would say something like that so innocently.

“You don't have anyone yet, do you?” she asked, and she did not wait for an answer. “But when you start to choose, I'd really like it if you took me into consideration.”

Of all that he had had to experience since being thrust into leadership, this was the absolute strangest thing, and he had no idea how he was supposed to handle this. She didn't seem to be at all insincere or to be making some sort of joke; she actually seemed to believe that this was a logical course of action. Cindy, for whatever reason, had just approached him with a genuine offer of marriage.

“I don't think you understand a few things,” he said at last. “I'm not going to be like he was, keeping a bunch of women around.”

She blinked. “But...but why not?”

“Because I'm not like,' he said. “And I'm changing things around here and it's not going to be like that anymore.”

The disappointment and confusion in her face was almost crushing as she said, “But you're the leader now, and it's my job to be useful to you, and I know I'm best at doing that as a wife. I was very good at it before and I really don't know what else I'm supposed to do.”

Perplexed did not begin to cover how this encounter was making him feel, and he even felt somewhat sorry for her, to see that she really could not understand herself out of her old life. “If you'd like for me to help you find a job you feel comfortable with...”

“But I know what job I'm comfortable with,” she replied earnestly. “I know that I would be a good wife to you, if you'd just give me a chance.”

“Cindy, I appreciate the offer, but I really don't think-”

“But I love you,” she interrupted, looking so sincere that it actually made his chest ache a bit. But he knew that she didn't mean it, that none of this meant anything, even if she looked like she cared and insisted that she could. She was just confused about herself and how she fit into the world.

“You don't even know me, Cindy,” he said, trying to sound as gentle as he could. Gentleness was not his strong suit, but he had to try with her and also remain rational, because she clearly did not know what she was doing.

“I know you!” she replied quickly, looking hurt. “I know you, and you're in charge and I know that I love you. That's what I'm supposed to do, and I know if you'd give me a chance, I could prove that I'm good enough.”

He sighed, trying to think of what to say to her to make her understand the way things really were. It was not something he was at all equipped to deal with, and he didn't know what to do to get her to stop this without doing something to hurt her. “You don't me like you're supposed to know a husband. You know? And you don't know me enough to love me, and you don't have to. That isn't how things work anymore, and you don't have to be with me to be useful to the community.”

Still, nothing he said seemed to get through to her. “Please, just let me show you,” she said. “Let me show you what I can do for you.” And she stepped forward, grabbing him by the shoulders as she pulled him into the kiss, and he didn't fight it.

Dwight tried to write it off in his mind as being too stunned to react, but that wasn't right. He had seen it coming soon enough to stop it before it started, but he hadn't, and when she crashed her lips onto his, it hadn't mattered who she was or what her reasoning was or that she was absolutely out of her mind; it had been a very long time since someone had kissed him like that, and he relaxed into it against his better judgment. He was lonely, had been so fucking lonely for so long, and he didn't give a damn if Cindy was crazy or whatever, he kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her and tangling a hand in her hair.

Crazy or not, she was right that she was good at this, or maybe it was just the fact that it had been a long time for him. Either way, he found himself moaning into her mouth, grinding himself against her, craving more from her than he knew he should take, desperate to take this further, knowing that that would be a horrible mistake.

But it was a mistake that he could not stop himself from making.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's got the smut in it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> Because of course i had to write guilty sex, if I'm going to be shameless enough to write about an OC, I damn well better have fun with it

Cindy whimpered as Dwight trailed kisses down her neck, pinning her underneath him and grinding against her, making hungry little noises that got caught in his throat. God, he had needed this, he had really, _really_ needed this, and Cindy wasn't bad looking at all- of course she wasn't, given where she came from, but he was trying not to think about that. He was trying not to think about anything, because as soon as he started thinking, he would remember just how wrong all of this was and then he might back out, and he _really_ needed this.

“Am I doing good, sir?” she asked.

“Yeah, yeah, you're great,” he replied, a little thrown by the question. “And you don't have to call me sir, you know. Just call me Dwight.”

“I just didn't know,” she said. “He didn't like me to call him sir either.”

He kissed her hard, both to reassure her and to silence her. The last thing he wanted was to be reminded of who exactly he was doing this with, not only because it was just plain weird, but because this was not the first time he and the man he hated so much had had the same woman, and he really didn't want to think about  _her_ . When he thought that he had properly distracted her, he broke the kiss to begin undressing her, hurrying this along before he had enough second thoughts.

“What do you want me to do for you?” she asked breathlessly, sounding like she was trying and failing to maintain her composure.

“Don't worry about he,” he said. “You're doing plenty.” Before she could protest further, he decided to do something for her, because he still felt damn sorry for her, and if he was going to pity fuck someone, he supposed he should at least put some focus on their pleasure as well.

He pressed his lips against one of her breasts, kissing her before taking it into his mouth and earning a a sharp cry from her. This was something he had gotten quite good at in the past, but as was a recurring theme, he didn't want to think about that now. He sucked at her gentle, rolling his tongue over her nipple and holding her down as she squirmed and writhed underneath her, reduced to a mess of moaning and crying. She made a few incoherent noises as if she were trying to say something, but she couldn't.

While he kept this up, he dropped his hand between her legs, feeling the damp heat radiating from her. No matter what her reasoning for pursuing him was, she wanted him now, just as badly as he wanted her, and he rubbed a finger against her, causing her to jolt and whimper. He switched his mouth off to her other breast just as he began to work a finger inside of her, and her cry was broken off in her throat.

It was driving him crazy, delaying what he actually wanted to do, but he wanted to make her enjoy it as much as he did, because then maybe she wouldn't look at it as something she felt like she had to do, and he wouldn't have to feel so damn guilty that he was taking advantage of that. He fit a second finger into her, flexing and scissoring his fingers to get her ready for him; he didn't know how long it had been for her, and he didn't want to do anything to hurt her.

“Please,” she finally managed to get out. He looked up at her, and the look of shame on her face only made him that much more guilty, because she actually looked like she thought _she_ should feel guilty for asking him for anything.

“What do you want?” he asked. “You want me to fuck you?” She nodded, and he wanted to reassure her again, so he said, “Good, cos I want you real bad.” That did the trick, but sheer joy in her eyes, like a praised puppy, did not make him feel better.

He pulled back from her to get his pants off, and he looked down at her, squirming and waiting, with a look of adoration in his eyes that he knew meant nothing because he knew he had done nothing to earn it. But he was so goddamn lonely that he just couldn't give a fuck, he couldn't question her devotion right now, and he climbed on top of her again, spreading her lips and requesting that she wrap them around his waist.

He pressed the tip of his cock against her, and she whimpered again and he gave a little shudder of desire. She wanted this, he reminded himself; he was only giving her what she wanted. And then he pressed himself into her and it felt so damn good, it felt just as good as he remembered, and he knew why he had been missing this so much that he would go this far to get it. He entered her slowly, even though it was teasing the hell out of him, because he was trying to be gentle with her, and now that he was actually in, she felt a hell of a lot tighter.

She even looked a little bit pained, and he managed to ask, “Something wrong?”

“Hurts...a little,” she said, her voice strained. “You're...a little big...”

It was really fucking hard to hear a compliment like that and not start fucking her wildly then and there, but somehow he managed. He wasn't sure if the issue of size only came up because it had been a while for her or if there were some other factors involved, and though he still did not want to think about the other man, Dwight couldn't help but feel a bit of pride at that.

Still, he managed his composure, and gave her all the time she needed to adjust to him as he slowly pushed himself the rest of the way in. Once he was as far in as he could go, it was even harder to sit and wait as he felt her around him, hot and tense and wet, but he waited for her and when he asked her if it still hurt and she said she was okay, he finally began to rock his hips into hers.

And once he had begun to move, that was it for him and what self-control he had left. He couldn't hold back from thrusting into her, hard and fast and almost rough, because, god, he had really fucking needed this. It had been too long for him and he had been so lonely, and she was beautiful enough and she was willing and she was right there, and he fucked her with abandon because, if she thought she needed this too, was he really doing anything wrong?

Cindy kept crying out, but she didn't sound pained anymore, and she looked ecstatic, throwing her head back and barely managing to get out his name. He grunted hers in return, to ground himself, to remind himself who exactly he was with and he who was not with. But it didn't matter, he also had to remind himself, it didn't matter because this was what the both of the needed. He doubted he was who she really wanted either, but that was okay.

When he finally came, it was with a loud grunt, and he gave a few more thrusts as he did, trying to hold onto the pleasure for as long as he could and hoping that he could get her there at the last minute. She had been close the whole time, but he suspected she was waiting for him, and his suspicions were confirmed when a look of bliss crossed her face and he felt the spasms from deep within her as she finally gave herself over to her orgasm.

It took all he had not to collapse in exhaustion on top of her, but he managed. That had wiped him out completely and he knew that he would have to work to get his endurance back up, but for now, his mind was getting foggy and he fell into the bed beside her, drifting off almost immediately.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have no idea where I'm going with this. This is either gonna end immediately or go on way longer than it should, and I really don't know which.  
> Also yeah I made a size joke fuckin sue me, Olivia's comment will always stick with me


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a role with this story and I am so sorry cos I know nobody wants this shit

Dwight wasn't much for taking naps, but as he lazily started to come to, he thought to himself that he could see why people liked them so much. It was nice to rest for a bit, and he felt more rested than he had in a long time, not to mention more comfortable. In fact, he felt a bit too comfortable, and warm, and that was when he realized he had another person in bed with him at approximately the same time that he remembered what he had done before falling asleep.

Cindy was curled up with him, still sleeping, looking peaceful and content, and he absolutely could not believe that he had given into temptation and done something like this with her. He wouldn't have really minded a fling with anyone else- hell, he had been so into it with her that he knew it had been too long since he'd been with anyone- but she wouldn't see it as a fling, and she would want it to mean more to him than it did.

How could he tell her that he still did not want anything between them after he had given in to her advances like that? She still believed that she was doing this for him because it was her job, and she still believed she loved him just because of the position that he held. And, no matter how he tried to justify it in the moment, now that his head was clear, he realized that he had majorly fucked up and that he had taken advantage of the poor, confused girl. He didn't know what he was supposed to do with her now, and he dreaded when she woke up.

In the mean time, he tried to lay as still as possible to avoid waking her up any sooner than necessary and tried to think about what he could possibly say. But it was no use, and no matter what he thought of, it didn't sound at all right, and he wasn't going to be able to just lay there forever. She was going to wake up on her own eventually, and he would have to move at some point even if she didn't; already he kind of needed to take a piss.

Just when he was starting to think about getting up on his own, she began to stir and tightened her hold on him a bit, nuzzling as she came to. It was so damn cute that it made him once again forget just how bad of an idea all of this was. He had missed having someone to wake up with, but that was still no excuse for how far he had taken this, and now he had to find a way to break it to her.

“Hey,” he said, and she looked up at him with that heartbreaking, meaningless devotion in her eyes.

“Did I prove myself?” she asked.

“Listen...” He sighed; there was just no way to tell her without being a complete and total ass...or, more of an ass than he already was. “Listen, I think there's a lot we need to talk about, so how about we both get up and get dressed first?”

She nodded and hopped out of bed, picking up her scattered clothes while he slowly stood up, stretching. It really had been a good nap, and he headed for the bathroom before emerging and pulling his pants back on. Cindy was sitting on the edge of his bed, fully dressed, and looking very pleased with herself, and once again he cursed the fact that he didn't know what on earth to say to her.

“That was fun,” he said, then wished he could take it back, because it felt like the wrong way to start this. “I mean, you're really good and all, but...”

Already, her face fell. “I wasn't good enough, though, was I? I'm sorry, I'm out of practice, I could-”

“It's not that at all. You were better than good enough, trust me. But we really shouldn't have done that, I mean, not until we knew each other a little better.” Not that that would mean anything to her; she had already insisted that she knew him well enough. “I went too far with you.”

“But you didn't,” she protested. “You wanted to test me out, and I wanted to prove myself to you! I really, really wanted that...”

“You didn't want it just to want it, though. You wanted it because you thought you had to, and that's why...I feel pretty bad for that.” None of this was coming out right in the slightest.

“I did,” she argued. “I wanted it for myself too. I really wanted you...”

“Don't,” he said. “Don't say shit like that, okay? You didn't want _me_.”

“Of course I did, why wouldn't I?”

“Look at me!” he snapped. “Don't fucking lie to me, I know you can't look at me and honestly say that you wanted me.”

“But I did want you,” she insisted, “and I do. I don't understand why I wouldn't.”

There was no way that she wasn't lying to him, not with the way he looked, but she seemed just as sincere as she always had. It just wasn't possible that she could look at him and not be repulsed, that she could look at him and really believe that there was no reason for her not to want him.

“Please believe me,” she said after he was silent for much too long. Her voice broke and he realized that she looked close to tears. This girl, this absolutely crazy girl, believed what she was saying, and though the reasons that had lead her to believe those things were incredibly fucked up, the fact remained that she did believe them, and she was standing in front of him, telling him that she wanted him despite his very obvious physical flaws.

It was so, so wrong for him to take this any further. He didn't know a damn thing about Cindy, and she didn't truly understand what she was doing, and if anyone else were the leader of the Saviors, she would have gone to them instead and become convinced that she really wanted them, but once again, he found himself tempted beyond what he could resist.

He wanted his old life back, he wanted to be happy with Sherry again, with a face that didn't make him cringe, and without an entire community leaning on him when he wasn't even sure how best to lead them. He wanted his real wife to love him again and to never have any cause to leave him and he wanted to not have to worry about everyone's safety, or anyone's safety, but he couldn't have any of that now. Dwight couldn't have her back or his life or his face, but he could have something, and something was always better than nothing.

It was a bad idea, it was one of the worst ideas he'd ever had, and it was completely unfair to the both of them. He would only be taking further advantage of her, but she would be heartbroken if he turned her away and she wouldn't know what to do with herself, and, damn it, it would be nice to not wake up alone and to have a woman who could look at him as if there were nothing wrong with him. This was something that he knew he would end up regretting, but in that moment, he couldn't bear to turn her away, and he pulled her into a hug.

“Alright, I believe you,” he muttered. “I believe you, just don't cry, okay? Listen, you can...uh, you can stay here for a while, if you want. We can see how this goes. Does that sound alright to you?”

And his guilt would have increased, if that were even possible, when he saw the overjoyed look in her eyes, but it was so nice to see somebody look at him like that that he decided to just enjoy it. At least for now, he would enjoy it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dwight ya dun goofed


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh great, I'm still writing this shit. I'm sorry, folks

Cindy didn't understand why Dwight wouldn't call her his wife just yet, but he allowed her to come stay with him and he had stopped claiming that she didn't really want to be with him, so she supposed she had made enough progress already. She had not been able to figure out why he didn't understand why she wanted to be with him or why she thought she'd be good for the job, but he was still new to his position, and she wondered if he just needed some time to adjust and figure out how things worked. If that was the case, she would be more than happy to help him.

“If I'm not supposed to say I'm your wife, what do you want me to say?” she asked.

“Just that we're together, that's all,” he said. He often seemed exasperated with her, and she wished she could make it so they understood each other a little better. One of them had to be missing something for their communication to be so skewed, she knew, but she couldn't figure out exactly where the problem was.

Things were already so different from how they had been with Negan, and she just kept noticing more differences. They weren't all bad differences, however, and she knew it wasn't just the bias of currently being with Dwight that made her think he was the better lover. When she allowed herself to be selfish enough to think about her own pleasure, she just liked the gentle way he had handled her; it wasn't that Negan was inconsiderate, he was just so much bigger than her and he got so into things. Eileen had always been the one to like it rough.

But she had enjoyed herself from start to finish with Dwight, and found that she would have wanted more from him even if she hadn't felt obligated. She tried not to think like that, however; she didn't want to be too selfish about work. Still, it wasn't wrong to enjoy her job, she supposed, and she was already so fond of Dwight. She just wished she could do more for him so that he would make things official. This felt like the interview stage of a job, and she desperately hoped that she would pass.

In the end, Eileen had been stupid about everything, choosing to try to stay with Negan when it was impossible, but when they had lived together, Cindy has always sort of looked up to her. She was so willing to do anything and always looking for something new to do, just to be the best to Negan that she could be. Now, Cindy wished that she could go to her for advice about how to further make herself useful to Dwight, but that wasn't possible and whenever she asked him directly, she got the same answer.

“You don't have to do anything special, alright? Just keep doing the same stuff, and it's fine.”

She supposed she would have to do a lot of thinking on her own to figure this one out.

~X~

Having Cindy around was nice, when he managed to forget how shitty he was being by keeping her around. She was always waiting for him when he got home, and she always seemed so happy to see him. It was getting easier for him to push it to the back of the mind, that she was with him only because of who he was, but it would always come back and he would remember, and he would once again be overcome with guilt, as well as disappointment.

That was another problem that resulted from letting her go through with her ridiculous notion that being with him was her only place in the world. He still knew, deep down, that her feelings were fabricated out of a sense of duty, but he wanted so much for someone to see him like she claimed she did that when he remembered that she was only doing this because she was confused, he was disappointed. Even she could not really love someone like him, but then, she wasn't the one he really wanted, and that brought the guilt back to the forefront.

He grew more guilty still any time that he thought about flaunting the fact that he was with Cindy now. There were so many times that he imagined letting her cling to his arm and fawn over him where Sherry could see, just to let her know that she wasn't the only one who could move on, but that was even worse than just wishing that it was her instead of Cindy. He didn't want to use her for that, or for any reason, but when she looked at him with those damn eyes, he couldn't resist her advances.

One day, he came home to find her waiting on her knees in the bedroom, wearing some lacy thing that had been one of the few belongings she brought when she moved in- and he knew exactly where she'd gotten it from. She looked up as he entered the door, smiling almost shyly and saying, “I'd like to do something for you, if you'd like me to.”

This was always the point where he failed, the point where he opened his mouth to tell her that this couldn't continue, the point where he'd realize he was already hard, the point where he'd just return her smile and say, “Yeah? What's that?”

“I'm not very good at blowing,” she confessed, “but I'd like to try for you, if I can.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked. “I'm sure you're fine.”

“I gag too easy,” she said, and looked so ashamed of herself that it would have been cute if it weren't about something like this.

“Hey, don't worry about it. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to.”

Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “No, no, I do want to do it! I just wanted to warn you...I'm sorry if I disappoint you at all.”

He hated that he had to reassure her so often that whatever she was doing was just fine, and often wanted to point out to her that he wasn't getting any either way, so what did he have to complain about? But he was afraid she might take him too seriously and start suggesting he invite more women to live with him, or even got the extra mile and start recruiting for him. “You're gonna do just fine,” was all he said.

He stood in front of her and she pulled down his pants, looking up at him from under her lashes as she took him into her mouth. Once again, it had been too damn long since anyone had done that for him, and when she wrapped her lips around him, he let out a low moan and rested his hand on the back of her head. She could not fit much of the length into her mouth, but she did all she could and it was still so damn good that he could not complain at all.

Cindy sucked lightly and he stroked her hair, forgetting for a moment all the reasons he shouldn't have gone along with this. That was the real issue; he was too weak to resist this part of it all, and she was so willing to give it to him. When she began to trail her tongue along his cock, licking while she sucked him, he gave a little involuntary thrust, pushing himself deeper than she could handle, and he felt her gag.

“I'm sorry,” he said, quickly pulling back to let her breathe, but she shook her head and went right back to it, ignoring any possible discomfort. Every now and then, she would start to bring him deeper again, only to gag and have to go back to how she was before, but she was skilled enough with her tongue that the depth wasn't an issue for him to begin with.

After a while of this, when he was starting to feel close, she pulled off of him completely and said, “I'm really sorry, but...my jaw's getting sore, is it okay if I take a break?” She once again looked ashamed of herself.

“Yeah, that's fine,” he said, then added, “don't worry about it. I'm almost there anyway, if you just wanna finish me with your hand.”

She brightened at the suggestion and nodded. “Do you still want me to swallow when I'm done?” she asked, taking him in hand.

“Do you want to swallow?”

Again, she nodded, so he agreed that he would let her know, and when she had him there, he said, “Alright, that's...I'm almost...” She took him back into her mouth and sucked until he came, and then she swallowed every bit, and when he pulled out, there was no mistaking the disgusted look on her face.

“Do you not like that?”

“No, I do,” she said immediately, and he knew it was a lie. A lie she told and maybe even believed because she thought swallowing made her more “useful” to him, and then he remembered once again exactly why he shouldn't be doing this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am i even doing  
> it's still a mystery


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to work out her bullshit issues, starting to get close to each other, all sorts of fun shit.

She apologized too much, and she asked what she was supposed to do too much, and Dwight wanted to know what made her think either of those were part of a relationship. If he was really in this for the long haul, and it seemed that he was, whether he liked it or not, he at least needed to do some good for her and get her out of that incorrect mindset.

"What'd he do to you?" he asked at last. "Why are you so afraid of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you." Cindy looked confused, but that was a given. "And I don't understand what you mean. What did who do to me?"

"You know. Negan. You always act so scared of messing up with me," he said. "I want to know what he did to you to make you think you need to scared."

"He never did anything to me!" This was the first time he had seen her look even slightly angry. "Nothing bad, anyway. He kept me fed and protected, just like the others, and whenever he wanted me, I did what he needed. And if I didn't like something, he would go to one of the girls who did."

The account sounded exactly like what he had heard from Sherry once, the last time they had been together, but it didn't add up with her behavior. "If that's true, then why do you get so worried about doing things for me? If you don't like something, you don't have to do it with me either."

"Because you don't have any other girls," she replied, "so I have to take up the slack."

He sighed, shaking his head. "It's not different. You know? Just...anything you don't want, tell me, just like you would have with him. I won't be upset, and it doesn't matter that I don't have other girls. Probably didn't have anything to do with it with him either." He didn't speak kindly of Negan often, but that was at least once thing he couldn't deny about the man.

"It'd be easier if you'd just tell me what you like," she said. "I wouldn't have to bother you with so many questions if you'd just tell me from the beginning."

"I like everything we've done so far. I mean, I'm pretty simple. Just keep doing whatever, alright?" He couldn't help but smile back when he saw the large grin on her face. She looked overjoyed to be told that, and he couldn't believe she had actually built her entire view of her "purpose" on her own. It would take a lot of work to get her out of that mindset, knowing that she had come up with it by herself.

But she still looked at him like he hung the moon, so he still couldn't bear to cut things off with her, and so he had to do something for her, at least to make him feel less guilty.

~X~

Things with Dwight were starting to look up, and Cindy couldn't have been happier. He was explaining things more clearly to her, so that she could actually understand the way he wanted her to be. She was glad that he also wanted her to be open about what she didn't like, and she was glad that he was happy with what they had been doing so far. She was also happy that he didn't want any other women around, though she didn't understand why that made her so happy; she had never been the jealous type because she knew better than that. Yet the thought of Dwight bringing someone else into his- their- home made her just a bit sad.

It was getting hard not to think selfishly about him, and when she was left home alone, all she wanted was for him to come back. The worst was when she'd start to think about how she could please him when he got home, and then she would find herself aroused by her own thoughts and no way to take care of that. She was supposed to wait for him, she knew that, but it often got so bad that she was driven to touch herself, feeling guilty all the while.

It was just so hard to think about him without getting too wound up to handle. She was, she realized, growing more attracted to him every day, and it was an attraction that was independent of her duty. It was the first time she had felt that strongly about anyone in a very, very long time, and she could hardly remember the last man she had felt this way for- it had to have been before the world got all fucked up. She wished even more fervently that Dwight would make things official.

He caught her pleasuring herself one day. She was too caught up in a fantasy about him, imagining his hands on her, their gentle touch a sharp contrast to the rough, calloused skin, and imagining his lips on hers, and she didn't hear him come in until it was much too late and he had already seen her.

"What's going on in here?" he asked with a smirk, and she shrunk in herself.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know I shouldn't have but...I was just missing you and..."

"Hey," he said, his smirk fading, and his voice, oddly enough, sounded concerned. "Hey, why are you sorry? I'm not mad."

"Because I should have waited for you to get home," she replied, hanging her head. "I was selfish."

"No, no," he said, crossing the room to sit beside her on the bed. He put an arm around her and she relaxed into it without even thinking. "No, it's fine. It's really hot, actually."

"But...if I had just waited..."

"Then I wouldn't have come home to such a hot surprise," he replied. "Really. Don't feel bad. I liked it a lot."

"You did?" She was so glad that he wasn't just not upset with her, but happy with what she had done. She had managed to find something he liked on her own!

"'Course I did, it was sexy as hell. But I think I'll like it more if I'm helping you out. Whattaya say?"

She did not hesitate to say yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh another smut chapter is on the way....


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually wasn't so smutty, there was some sex but it's mostly in the background to thought.  
> On that note, I'd like to ask if anyone reading this would read this story I did about Sherry, as if gives her POV on why she isn't still with Dwight, and will explain why I will later refer to her as Diane.

Coming home to catch Cindy masturbating had been a hell of a treat after the day he'd had. Dwight had taken up leadership because he'd had to, because nobody else had tried to step up before, because it had practically fallen into his lap, but he was not a leader by nature. He wasn't like Negan, or Rick, and now that he had no common enemy to rally the Saviors against, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.

Every day, he went around to check on things, taking stock of the supplies they had and convening with border patrols, and at first, entertaining visits from the other community leaders to discuss how their new system would work. They had always come to him rather than having him travel, because they understood how rocky his situation at home was and that leaving his people alone would not be a good idea just yet. He did all of these things, but none of it felt right to him.

He felt like he was playing a part and that, at any moment, he would be caught not knowing his lines and that people would call for him to be replaced. It was more stress than he could bear most days, and that was without even factoring in that, when he went about his daily business, he almost always came across Sherry or her new boyfriend, or the two of them together, and he was miserable all over again. He had done all of this for her, yet he couldn't even talk to her anymore.

She probably hated him, after how cruel he had been to her when she went back to Negan, but it had been the only way. Had he been friendly to her, Negan might have suspected that their affair had not stopped, and then what would he do? He had already punished Dwight, after all, and so Dwight distanced himself, but when the were free to be together, he could not bring himself to approach her after the way he had treated her. And even if he could approach her, how could she even bear to look at him? He could hardly look at himself, and she deserved to be with someone who didn't disgust her, and so Dwight kept his distance and Sherry hooked up with some asshole named Alec.

Between the stress of leading in the aftermath of war and the knowledge that he was far from over Sherry, it was nice to come home to a girl who claimed to adore him and didn't give a damn about his face, and that made it easier to ignore just how messed up their relationship really was. And it was very nice to come home to that girl, sitting back on his bed and fingering herself, and claiming that it was because she had missed him so much.

He wondered, if he stopped over-thinking things and if he stopped thinking about Sherry, if he could actually start to fall for her.

But that, and the rest of his worries, were far from his mind when he had Cindy on her back, kissing her as he rubbed against her, driving himself crazy with desire. She whimpered into the kiss and he pulled back, grinning at her. “You ready, or do you need more to get you there?”

“I'm ready, sir,” she replied, breathless.

“Hey, I already told you, you don't have to call me that,” he said.

“I'm sorry, I forgot...I just...I got distracted, and...” She was blushing, and he was beginning to be able to read her guilty expressions.

“What? Do you like calling me that?” he asked. He remembered her mentioning that she hadn't every really called Negan that before, and it would make sense that she liked it on her own, given the fact that she kept bringing it up.

“No!” she said, so quickly and defensively that it had to be bullshit. “No, not if you don't like it, I don't care either way...”

“Hey now, I never said I didn't like it,” he replied. “I thought you were just saying it because you had to, and I didn't want you to think you had to call me anything special. But if you like it, then go ahead.”

“Not if you don't want me to.”

Dwight laughed, shaking his head. “Really, you don't have to worry so much about what I like. I'm pretty lucky just to have you waiting here for me-”

“But why wouldn't I be here?” she asked, interrupting him.

“That's...look, what I'm trying to say is, I'm just glad to have you here. So anything you like or want to do, I'm probably down for.” He knew that she wouldn't believe that right away, and that it would be something that would take work, so for now, he did not explain further. “I'd like it if you called me sir, Cindy.”

“Yes, sir,” she replied dutifully, but she looked so pleased that it warmed his heart just a little bit. So even Cindy had things she was into; the girl who was so intent on forgetting her own desires for the sake of his had already been caught pleasuring herself and then given away the fact that she had her own little kink. Dwight hoped that he would soon have her openly admitting all that she wanted, but it was only the beginning and so he was content to just fuck her.

She took little effort this time, as it was becoming easier to fit each time they did this, and now he caused her little pain. He hadn't gotten up the nerve to ask her about the matter of size, because it still didn't feel right to bring up the past, but as long as he didn't know, he could at least imagine, and it was hilarious to think that he had that on the man who had once taken everything from him.

Whatever the case, there was no doubt that Cindy was his now and that she loved how he handled her. If he really believed her that she wanted him genuinely, and she had still done nothing to make him think she was anything but genuine, then that meant that she really did love fucking him, and the way she squealed and moaned underneath him only drove that point home. She might have started out with skewed motives, and he might still feel guilty as hell over those, but there was at least no doubt in his mind that the pleasure he received was not one sided.

“I love you, sir,” she whimpered, and that brought him back to earth, at least a little bit. She had gone along with him not wanting to call her his wife, saying that they needed to wait on that, but he could not convince her not to say that she loved him. In her mind, she really did, and if he tried to bring up that she didn't know him well enough again, it only hurt her, and she insisted that she loved him again and again until he stopped trying to convince her otherwise. The more she insisted, the harder it was not to take her words at face value, and he really did miss being loved.

After their first time, he had always been more cautious about making sure he pulled out. Birth control was not exactly a luxury anyone could afford anymore, though Cindy had once mentioned a stockpile of morning after pills that Sherry had kept for the wives to use, should they have any cause for concern. She didn't know if they really worked all that well or not, given that they might have reached their expiration date, but the fact that Sherry even tried to help the girls out like that only made him admire her, and therefore miss her, all the more. He tried not to think about that every time he reached his climax and had to pull out of Cindy.

Today, he got there first and had to finish her with his hand, but she didn't seem to mind that at all, not that she would tell him if she did. But he got her there, and as far as he could tell, it was just as good for her as always. She smiled softly up at him, murmuring, “Thank you, sir.” He could get used to hearing that from her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone stop me


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter? BOOOO HISSSSSSSS  
> Uh, I talk more about stuff here, cool.  
> Also, I wrote a story about Cindy meeting Negan and Eileen for the first time, to sort of show how Eileen had such a bad influence on her, so if you like this story, maybe check it out? http://archiveofourown.org/works/6548293

It got to the point that Cindy could tell when he'd had a rough day, and when he came in for the night, her eyes would be on him as she tried to assess his mood. And once she had determined that he was exhausted and stressed beyond what he could bear, she would be on him, asking what she could do to make him feel better. He couldn't help but smile then; it was really sort of cute, the way she got when she thought there was something she needed to do, and usually he would just ask her to sit with him. The look on her face whenever he told her that just spending some time together was always so sweet it made the day almost worth it.

Whatever was going on between them, he was doing his best to make it feel genuine and to forget the real reason she came to him in the first place. When he didn't think of himself as a replacement for Negan, when he didn't think of her as a replacement for Sherry, their relationship wasn't a bad one and he could actually be a little bit happy about things.

One night, she didn't listen when he said he just wanted to sit with her, and she insisted that she could do a little more for him. “I want to help you relax a little at least,” she said. “Here, take your shirt off, please.”

“What for?” he asked, but he shrugged off his vest and shirt before she answered. She gestured for him to turn away from her and he did, and then she rested her hands on his shoulders and began to dig her fingers into his sore muscles.

“I'm pretty good at this,” she said, “and you look like you could really use it. You've got a lot of tension.” She kneaded at his shoulders and earned a low moan from him as she did so.

“Yeah, I bet I do,” he replied. “It's been a hell of a day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Oh, it's just the same old bullshit.” He sighed, leaning back into her touch.

“You've never really talked about it before, though,” she said. “What all is going on?”

“It's just...I don't know. It's hard work and I'm having a hard time adjusting to being a leader. Sometimes I...I just don't know if I'm cut out for it,” he confessed.

“But what do you mean? You've done great so far!” she protested.

“Maybe, and maybe not. All I really did was help the other groups take down Negan, and then I rallied everyone against him so that made me the leader by default. Nobody chose me for this, and all I was trying to do was get him out of here so things could be better. But now that the dust has settled from all that, I really have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.”

“I think you're selling yourself short.”

“That's sweet of you,” he said, “but you don't really see how much I'm struggling out there. People will approach me and ask what's next for us, and I have to make shit up, try to be vague so they don't know that I don't know. I'm still negotiating terms with the other communities, but I don't really want to tell everyone how _that's_ going.”

“Well, how is it going?” she asked, working her hands down his back.

“It's alright, I guess. Rick knows he can trust me, after all I did, but it's the people backing him, and the people backing Maggie and Ezekiel, who aren't too sure. Just because I wasn't loyal to Negan doesn't mean everyone wasn't, and they aren't all so willing to trust the Saviors after everything. Can't say that I blame them, but...” He gave a deep sigh. “If we can't get something worked out soon, I'm afraid they're gonna start thinking we aren't worth the trouble, and who knows what'll happen then?”

“Do you think we'll get cut off completely?”

“Maybe, or maybe they'll try to separate us or wipe us out...I don't think any of the other leaders would let it come to anything that extreme, but after what this group put their groups through before...I mean, shit, it's hard to tell. I could just be worrying for nothing, but it's a lot on my plate even without worrying about what everyone around here thinks about me.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't know there was so much going on...I wish there was something I could do...”

Dwight smiled despite himself. “It's alright, Cindy. You do plenty just by sticking around. And...thanks for listening to me too. It's nice to get some of this off my chest and all.”

“You know I'll do anything you need me to, even if it's just listening.” She continued to massage him and he leaned forward slightly so she could go ever further down his back, working out knots of tension and making him moan again and again. Really, how could he complain about having a pretty girl to massage him and listen to him complain when he got home? What was he doing, pining after someone who he had ruined his chances with for good when he had something to move on to?

He still knew that their relationship was entirely based on her bullshit sense of duty to him, and that if he hadn't taken over after Negan, Cindy would have never spared him a glance, even if she now could look him dead in the eyes and tell him that she was attracted to him, even if she didn't even to seem to notice his scar, she still didn't understand what real relationships were built off of. She believed that she loved him, but what she thought was love was not. That definitely played a part in why he hesitated, but even without all of that, he still struggled to let go of his own past.

He wondered if he'd ever be able to move past that and to fully accept that Cindy was there, and stop caring about what her reason was for staying with him. It was the end of the goddamn world and here he was, being picky about someone who claimed she'd do just about anything to make him happy, as if he could just go out and find anyone else to spend his life with. He didn't have anything to complain about.

~X~

Things were going better with Dwight, and Cindy was grateful for that, though she still wished he would tell her what she needed to do for him to consider her his wife. It was very nice, living with him and being able to talk with him and sleeping with him every night, but each day that she spent with him, she found herself wishing more and more for him to make things official.

Her job, her place, the thing she was best at, was being her leader's wife and doing whatever he needed of her. That was what brought her to Dwight in the first place, and that was why she had stayed even when he had tried to convince her not to. She knew that she was here because she was supposed to be, but something had changed since the beginning. Now, she wished that Dwight would call her his wife both because of her purpose and because she really just wanted him to.

She loved him because of who he was and what he did for her, just as she had Negan, but she often felt that there was more to that. Eileen had always loved Negan differently than she, or the others did, and Eileen had been there for him for more than just fulfilling her job. She had ultimately died because she couldn't let go of him and move on to the next job, and now Cindy was starting to think that she might love Dwight in the same way that Eileen had loved Negan.

It was hard to imagine it, but if Dwight were no longer the leader, she couldn't imagine herself moving on to the next one, and she had always had that weird feeling when she thought about him bringing other women into their home. She had never been jealous with Negan, but she was sure that she would end up jealous with Dwight, and she wasn't sure she'd be okay with ever having to leave him. It was selfish of her, but she couldn't help but think that her feelings for Dwight went a bit farther than just doing what she needed to do for him. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cindy u crazy bitch


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, remember that Sherry fic I linked cos I said it would come into play? Yeah, this is the chapter where that happens aaaayyyy

“You're Nina, right?” asked Dwight. He remembered her name because she had been with Negan for almost as long as Sherry had, and because Cindy often talked about the other girls and it had become easy to remember their names, and he recognized Nina amongst one of the people he ran into when he was looking through their supplies and taking stock once more.

“Sure am,” she replied. “Don't really have to ask who you are.”

“No, I guess you don't,” he said with a small smile. “I just wanted to see how things are going for you, and how you've been settling in after all the changes around here.”

Nina laughed and said, “Not too bad. I'm not exactly living the high life now, but I can't complain. I know some of us are settling in better than others.”

He was sure that that was some sort of jab at Cindy, but he chose to ignore it. “Yeah, well, I know it can be difficult to adjust, so when I saw you, I just wanted to ask. If there's anything I can do for you...”

“Got any more room in that bed of yours?” He hesitated just long enough for her to burst out laughing. “I'm kidding. No, I know you're not like that. Or at least, I hope you're not.” She winked.

He let out a relieved sigh, laughing a bit. “Yeah, that isn't something I'm doing. I'm not going to send the message that I think that sort of thing is okay.”

“Well, you weren't exactly on the good end of that before,” she said, and he could tell she was looking at his scar. “Speaking of which,” she continued, though he had no despite to keep talking about it, “you heard about _Diane_ , right?”

“Diane?” he asked. It was Sherry's middle name, he remembered, but he didn't know anyone else with that name.

“So you haven't, then. Yeah, Sherry decided she wanted a little change, so she's not answering to anything but Diane now. Just thought you might want to know, in case you try to talk to her about anything in the future.” She gave him a knowing look, as if she could tell that he still wasn't over it.

“I doubt I'll have any reason to,” he replied.

~X~

“Did something happen today?” asked Cindy, not long after he got home. She was getting to the point where she could read his mood like a book, and she could already tell that he was feeling off.

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” he replied, but he knew he didn't sound convincing.

“If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine,” she said, “but you know I'll listen to whatever it is.”

“It's...it's about Sherry.”

“Oh.”

He sighed. “I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable, talking about my ex like that, so...”

“No, no, you can tell me whatever you need to.”

He sat down beside her as he began to talk. “Well, I saw Nina today, and she told me that Sherry is going by Diane now. It's her middle name and...” He paused for a moment. “Her first name is Sheryl, and she went by that before we got together even though she hated it. I started calling her Sherry as a nickname, and she liked it and kept it. Now that she's going by something else, it just feels like she's throwing away more of what we had. I know it's stupid to care about that after everything that happened, but we were married so sometimes I still...”

“It's okay to miss her. She was your wife, and I know that you missed her before. I missed Negan a little bit at first, but I think that's different. I don't think I ever loved him like you loved her, or like...” She trailed off.

“Like what?”

“It's nothing,” she said, and he wondered if that was the first time she had lied to him about something other than pretending to like something that she didn't.

“No, no, I want to know what you were going to say,” he insisted.

“Like I love you,” she finally said.

“You...love me differently?” he asked, surprised.

“I think so,” she confessed. “I think I love you differently than I loved Negan. More like...more like Eileen loved him, I guess. Things were always different for her, that's why she didn't want to be with anyone after he was gone.”

Someone had come across Eileen's reanimated corpse a while back and notified him of it, so he already knew her fate. He had known that she was a bit more devoted than the other wives, and it made since that she was really in love with him, but for Cindy to compare her own feelings to Eileen's meant that Cindy felt as though she was really in love with Dwight.

“You're in love with me,” was all he could say.

“I've always been in love with you.”

“I...I know, that's not...I mean, you _really_ love me,” he said. “And I know, you say you always have, but I mean...this kind of love is different, like you said.” Could she really mean that? Could she really be genuinely in love with him? Half of his worries about their relationship related to his concern about her feelings, and now she claimed she had really, honestly fallen in love with him.

“If that's how you want to say it, then yes. I really love you, Dwight.” She even looked a bit shy as she said it, and he had to admit that it was cute as hell. “I really love spending time with you, and I...I do think you're attractive, even though I know you have a hard time believing that. I just really want to do whatever I have to to make you happy, and even if you stop being my leader, I'd still want to.” The last part seemed difficult for her to admit, which wasn't a surprise after how much she had built this up as her “job” or whatever.

Dwight didn't know what to say to her now that she had come clean about all of this. It was so hard for him to believe that she really loved him, after how long he had spent reminding himself that she couldn't and how long he had spent convincing himself that no one could love him anymore, but he didn't think that she was lying and he didn't _want_ to think that she was lying. He had let himself be so unhappy for so long, both because he wouldn't let go of Shery- _Diane_ , he reminded himself- and because he wouldn't accept Cindy as a real relationship, but he didn't have to keep doing that.

He had to start to try to accept his marriage being over for good. If she hadn't come back to him after he helped defeat Negan, she wasn't going to come back to him at all, and maybe he shouldn't want her back anyway. Diane had gone back to Negan when given the chance, when she could have just stayed with him. She hadn't chosen Dwight then, so she sure as hell wouldn't choose him now, but Cindy had, and now she confessed that she would choose him even outside of his position. He had someone who wanted him, who even said he was _attractive_ , and he couldn't keep questioning that.

Dwight didn't know if he loved her or not. It was hard to tell, but he hoped that he could someday know for sure that he did, because that was what she deserved for all she had done for him, and she at least deserved to hear it back. He knew, at least, that he cared for her and appreciated her, and that was enough for now. For now, he wouldn't worry about the particulars, and would do what he could to accept their relationship as being real and forget about his past.

“Come here,” he said, and pulled Cindy close to him. “I want you to know that I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dwight u lil shit don't tell her u love her if u don't mean it  
> Wow, this shitty fic is almost over, good thing I've got like two sequels planned????? (cindy isn't even in the third one oops)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY GET SORT OF MARRIED  
> Shitty short chapter but the story is almost over so whatever

He didn't regret saying this in the slightest, not with the way Cindy looked up at him, eyes wide and full of adoration. Never again did he have to be as lonely as he had been after Sherry left him, and now he could truly enjoy the fact that Cindy wouldn't leave him like that. Now he could let himself be just as happy as she said she wanted to make him, and could try to make her as happy as she deserved, after all she had done for him.

She tried to speak, but couldn't seem to find the words to respond to him, and he decided to make things a little easier on her. Pulling her in for a kiss, he tangled a hand in her hair and kept her close to him, happier than he had ever allowed himself to be in a long time. When they finally pulled apart, she seemed to have found her voice again.

“Does this mean...does this mean you want me to be your wife now?” she asked. “Or do you still want to wait on that?”

It still felt too soon to make a decision like that, especially considering he still wasn't completely clear on his feelings for her, but when he really thought about it, he couldn't see how it mattered. Dwight knew that Cindy was likely the only person who could love him now, and he knew that he would be happy with her and that she would not back down on her feelings for him. With that in mind, he figured that, if it made her happy, why wait to make things official? In the world they lived in now, he only had to say the word to have them considered married, and if that was what she really wanted, that was what he would give to her.

“I do want you to be my wife,” he replied. “Will you marry me, Cindy?”

“Yes, yes, I want to be your wife so much! I'm so happy...you're my husband now, Dwight.” She grinned at him, looking like an excited child, and did not regret that any more than telling her he loved her. This was nothing like the marriage he had known before and this wasn't much of a wedding, but the world had changed and he hoped that this would turn out better than his last marriage.

“Sure am,” he said. “Now, I think I'm ready to kiss the bride.” With that, he kissed her once more, this time for a bit longer. He didn't know if he would announce their marriage or not, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to make it so grandiose. Going in front of everyone to declare her his wife was just like something Negan would do, and that wasn't what he wanted. Maybe someday, when things were more stable, they might have a real ceremony. He'd heard Alexandria had a church, complete with a priest, so they might be able to really make it official.

But for now, he had other things in mind. Kissing her for so long, keeping her so close to him, put him in the mood for a little something more, and he pulled back from her to say, “So, now that we're married...you interested in a little honeymoon?”

“I'm always ready when you are,” she replied, “but I do really, really want you right now.” Someday, he hoped he would break her of her habit, but having her admit what she wanted was a good start.

Taking her hand, he lead her to the bed and undressed her quickly before easing her onto her back and gently kissing all over he exposed skin. Oh, he was so, _so_ lucky to have her here and he finally realized just how lucky he was. He paid close attention to her breasts, just as he knew she liked, and kept a hand between her legs to feel how wet she was getting. Fucking her had become fairly common, but tonight he tried to take things slow and make it special for her. It was their honeymoon, after all.

After a while, however, she was squirming and barely able to breathe, and it took her quite a bit of effort to finally say, “Is it okay if you fuck me now? I want you so bad...” She looked up at him with so much desire in her eyes and with those flushed cheeks, and he wouldn't have been able to resist her even if he tried.

He was on top of her and positioned in no time at all, looking down at her and once again stunned to remember that this girl was real and really adored him. It was really true that he wasn't going to be alone anymore, and thinking about that would never get old. Neither, he was sure, would doing this with her, and he did not even have to be careful as he eased inside of her anymore. She was used to him and got only pleasure from him, the pain having long since melted away.

He thrust into her with a steady rhythm, having never realized before just how he had memorized how she liked it and the pace he could take that left her a writhing mess beneath him, the places within her that were the most sensitive. Over the time they had lived together, he had come to know Cindy like the back of his hand.

“I love you so much,” was all she managed to say, but hearing it now did not bother him at all. Hearing it now only drove him closer to his climax and he jerked his hips into her more rapidly, losing his pattern as he gave way to his own desire. She was his wife now, and she really loved him, and all of this was alright.

“I love you too,” he replied, pausing before adding, “wife.” That was all she needed to hear, and she was there, whimpering incoherently, though he was sure he heard his name a time or two in what she tried to say. And it was not long after that he was right there with her, barely managing to pull out of her in time.

He laid down next to her after that, pulling her into his arms and listening to her as she tried to catch her breath. Normally, he was reluctant to be so affectionate after fucking her, but he no longer had any reason to feel so guilty with her and could hold her as much as he wanted to. Things had not started out normal between them, but they could become normal, he was sure of it. They were going to be happy together, and this was just the beginning of that.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END MOTHERFUCKERS

When Dwight woke up with Cindy this time, he didn't have the usual rush of guilt that usually followed. Instead, he was only comfortable, knowing that this time, he wasn't just using her or taking advantage of her for something that she didn't understand. And remembering that she really loved him made him pull her sleeping form closer. She was there of her own choice and she loved him and she was his wife, and if he couldn't let himself be happy with that, he would never be able to be happy.

He was going to be happy though, and if ever he started to doubt this again, he would catch himself and remember to accept it. Their relationship may have had a rough start, but she had fallen in love with him because of who he was and that was the way it was supposed to be. She meant what she said, and he wouldn't have to be alone as long as he stuck with her, and that was enough for him.

~X~

All Cindy had wanted from the beginning was to be Dwight's wife. It had been hard, having him tell her that he wanted to wait, and she had always known that he suspected she didn't really love him. Things had only gotten harder when her feelings began to change, and then she found that she wanted to be with him for greater reasons than her own sense of purpose.

Everything had worked itself out now, though, and he had finally told her that he loved her as well. Not only did she have the pride in knowing that she was doing her job well, but she also had Dwight, and that felt a hell of a lot more important. She had been staying with him for a long time and had gotten used to waking up in his bed, but this was the first time that she had woken up because he tightened his hold on her, and this was the first time she saw him smiling down at her like that.

“Sleep well?” he asked, when he noticed that she was awake.

“Yes, sir,” she replied, surprising herself when she giggled. It was the happiest she could remember being.

“That's good,” he said. “Me too. Really don't want to get up at all today. You think anyone would notice if I just hid inside all day?”

“Of course they would! You know how important you are.” She was able to tell now when he was joking, but she still felt the need to answer seriously, just to remind him of how admirable his job was.

“Don't remind me,” he mumbled. “You're just making staying in bed sound even better, you know?”

“You're not as bad as you think you are. I'm not just saying that because I love you, either.”

Dwight chuckled and shook his head. “You're too sweet for your own good, you know that?” She loved it when he complimented her more than she could possibly say, and the rest of the morning was just as wonderful to her. When he finally decided to get up, she talked with him while he got dressed and kissed him goodbye before he left. She couldn't wait for her husband to get home that night.

It wasn't at all about the job anymore, and she knew it. She knew that she loved him for completely selfish purposes, but she wondered if that was so bad. Maybe she wasn't being as selfish as she thought, and maybe it wasn't even that she was supposed to be there for her leader but that she was supposed to be there for the one she loved. And, if that were true, then it wasn't so selfish at all, and the other wives hadn't done anything wrong by going after what they wanted.

Amber had run away to be with someone she loved, and that was finally starting to make since to Cindy, and Eileen had been so intent on getting Negan back that she had risked her own life. If Sherry really loved the man she was with now, and if Nina was looking for that on her own now, then they were doing the right thing as well. And even if they were all being selfish about this, even if Cindy was being selfish about her feelings for Dwight, it didn't matter so much to her anymore. She hadn't been this happy in a very long time, and she couldn't imagine there being anything wrong with that.

But as she waited for him to get home, she also couldn't believe that she was being entirely selfish. She wanted to do something special for him when he got back, just to celebrate everything that had happened, and spent the day trying to figure out what he would like. It was a bit easier now that she had spent time with him and figured out what some of his favorite things to do were, but, for the first time, she found herself wishing things were like they had been before, back when the world wasn't a mess and it would have been possible to cook him his favorite meal or something like that.

But she wouldn't have met him if things had stayed like that, she knew, and so she figured not having special ways to surprise him was a small price to pay. She would have to take a little more time to figure out what she could do for him, and wished that she could ask one of the other girls what they would do. Eileen would have been her first choice, and for the first time, she felt a strong sadness remembering her fate. She had thought of her as stupid for doing that for so long, but now that she realized her motivation, she regretted that.

From what she had heard, Amber was living in one of the other communities now, and she knew better than to go to Sherry about something like this. Her best bet would have to be Nina, and she hoped that she would have a chance to visit her and get caught up soon. For now, she would just wait for him at the door and ask him what he'd like for her to do, and if he told her that she could do whatever she wanted like he sometimes did, then she would just have to guess and hope for the best. All in all, it didn't sound like a bad night to her.

Thinking about the other girls and where they had ended up had her thinking that they were all lucky if they were happy, and that they were all well off, but as soon as she began to think that, she began to think that she had still ended up better off than them. Not because she was the one married to the leader now, but because she was the one married to Dwight, and she couldn't think of anything better.

It had been hard for her to find her place after Negan was defeated, but what she was proud of the place she had found. Going to Dwight had been the right decision, and he had made her the happiest she could remember being, and she was so glad to know that he returned her feelings now. She had a place with him, and even if it wasn't her job, she wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh sort of a happy ending I guess? At least she's happy, even if he's just settling. There's gonna be a sequel, but if you want it to keep this happy ending, you probably don't want to read the sequel.


End file.
